Loved enough�

2004-02-13

I went in to work this morning, but they didn't have much for me to do, I'd cleaned them out of old, boring projects. So I told them that Dad was having surgery and I wanted to be there. MUCH better to go to the hospital than sort papers all day long.

Found the hospital without any trouble. Bless them for posting all those signs, 'City of Hope this way.' My Mapquest map had slipped to the floor and I would have had to get off the freeway in unfamiliar territory to retrieve it.

The City of Hope grounds are beautiful and enormous. Next time I go I'm going to bring my camera. It had actually been in my purse but I took it out because it was so heavy. I get the feeling I'll get another chance.

Mom came out of the elevator as I was waiting around for someone to tell me where Dad was. She was pretty surprised to see me.

Dad was already in recovery, coherent and doing fine. Mom went in first, but as Dad was the only patient in the room, they let both of us in.

We followed as they wheeled him to his room. Then for a couple of minutes we stupidly stood behind the stretcher, where he couldn't see us, while they prepared his room. Dad finally asked us to come around where he could see us. Duh!

Dad was his usual goony self and managed to make us all laugh with some mildly scatalogical comments accompanied by expressive eye rolling.

Youngest sister showed up an hour after I did and complained about me horning in on another one of her lunches.

We sat around and talked of not much of anything for another hour. It was kind of weird. I watched the 'almost tears' feeling run from person to person around the room. Mom, Dad, Youngest Sister and I came to edge of tears, took a deep breath and backed off.

It almost felt kind of good. Like I wasn't alone in the feelings I had last night. I guess it's really not too surprising. We're facing another one of the hard parts soon. And none of us is unaware of it. We're all reluctant to make it harder for the others.

I keep getting this itchy feeling in my chest. It tells me I've almost left it too late. That I need to make every bit of time I can to be with them. To talk to them. To show them how thankful I am to have parents like them. To have people like them. People that may not have been perfect, but who always did their best. Most of all, having people whose love I never doubted. So cherish every minute.

Every person I've met in my life have taught me to appreciate the parents I have. They love eachother, they love us. I've never seen them behave otherwise. They've been mad, sad, irritated, annoyed and distracted. But they loved us and eachother to the best of their ability.

I've said it before and I will say it again. They may not have loved me most, but they have loved me enough.

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