The Nature of Love�

2002-07-15

My stepson has a girlfriend. His very first girlfriend. He's twenty years old. She's twenty eight with two children. First and foremost I wonder what's wrong with a twenty-eight year old woman who dates a man that age. When you're that age, there are galaxies of difference between you and someone eight years your junior. Not the least of which would be the two children.

It's not that I don't see what she sees in him. He's a good person, with a kind heart. He treats her well. He tries really hard. I know from experience, that's probably the best she's ever been treated. I married this boy's father.

And it's not that I don't like her. She appears to be smart. I'm sorry, I'm an elitest. I don't even notice someone until they prove to me that they have functioning grey matter. This girl reads. She wants to know stuff. For crying out loud, at twenty eight she wants an ant farm. I have more in common with this girl than I want to think about.

Still, she's his first girlfriend. I can't say that I would (or have) thought so kindly of raising someone else's children. And he's experienced so little. I've seen in my life that things that I regret the most are the things I didn't do. Go to an out-of-state college. Travel Europe. See more, do more. I see my stepson locking himself into something he doesn't really understand. It's not that I don't want the choice he's made; I just want hime to have a choice.

I thought I knew about stepchildren when I was thirty five. I don't regret my choice for a minute, but it's sure not the same decision I would have made at twenty. I knew I could have no children of my own. I knew that my husband's first priority was his child. I not only respected it, I honored it. I was married before. I married a man that left his children behind with his wife like an old pair of shoes. If a man will abandon his own children that easily, how fast will he abandon a wife? Faster than you can say spit is the answer.

I've learned the hard way, don't listen to what people say, watch what they do. My husband says that he loves me, and I appreciate it. But more (ever so much more) than what he says, his actions speak his feelings. If he says that he loves you but beats the crap out of you every time you disagree with him, he doesn't love you. If he says nothing about his feelings, but warms your car up on cold mornings, he loves you. That old saying 'actions speak louder than words'. Listen to those actions. It's easy to say 'Ilove you'. Actions take effort. They take thought. Find someone who thinks about you when you're not expecting it. Words aren't love. But if acts like he loves you, not just once, but all the time, that's love.

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