Geeks and The Dark Side�

2002-05-03

My husband is a geek. Or is a nerd. No matter, so am I. Finally, thankfully, joyfully, at 44 I am accepting the fact that I am an 'other'. Certainly not what everybody thought a girl should be. Especially not when I was very young.

I understand that there are differences between men and women. Men have different drives than women. In men, it's the drive to reproduce. As many and as often. Women want children and a nest to raise them in. With men it seems that the drives are more personal and more urgent than those that drive women.

To me, and I emphasize, to me, it seems that those men who repress the dark side more, the sensitive ones, the ones that think about the consequences of their actions, they are the heros. They fight the animal sides of themselves every day, and win.

For them, the dark side, the animal side, the impulse side calls to them every day. And yet they resist. They resist their natural impulses because they know it will hurt the people they love.

I don't think the dark side is less strong in them. I don't think they feel it less. I think they hear the animal call, every day. A mountain on the horizon. And yet they resist. They do the right thing. But their blood sings in the dark.

The animal side howls on. But the human side controls the animal. I don't expect my beloved to be the perfect human. He has controlled the animal side so far. But he has also let the animal sing out. Be assured that I love both sides. I'll howl along side of you.

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